Strength & Courage

Hello, lovelies!
I hope your weekend has been good, and I hope you're all ready to kick some Monday butt tomorrow. I myself have been down with the flu this past week, which has been a pretty deadly combination, mixed with midterms and stress. But now I'm on a week-long break, and slowly but surely on my way to perfect health.

Due to being down with the flu, I've been more broody and lower than usual. I've wanted more attention, and any lack of it has ended up with me in tears. It's been weird, I know. But all of this sickness and free has given me time to do some thinking about things, and to do a bit of self-reflection too.

I used to think it was my strength to say I don't want to do something, yet end up doing it anyway. I thought it was something to be so proud of that wow, look at my sheer strength, my willpower, that I don't want to do something, something my brain and my heart are refusing to do so, and yet, I can go ahead with it anyway. Today for the first time in many years, I realized that I was wrong.

It wasn't strength to force my heart and brain into doing what neither they nor I wanted to do; it wasn't strength that I tricked them and myself into it. It was the beginning of lies, it was the loss of trust. I lied and lied and lied to myself, I tricked myself, again and again, I betrayed myself again and again. It was and still is all lies; there's nothing to be proud of every time I lie to myself.

My heart and brain no longer know what to believe. How could they, when for years I taught them one thing, told them one thing over and over again, only to do a complete 360 and derail the tracks so horrendously, that not only am I lost myself, but so is my heart and mind?

It isn't something to be proud of when you give up on yourself; it isn't something to be proud of when you give up on your dream. There's nothing strong about lying to yourself, just as there's nothing strong about giving up on your dream and passion and doing something else just because you were told you'd never be able to "make a living" out of doing something that you love.

Strength and courage are in doing what you love. Strength and courage are in following your dream, no matter what anyone says; strength and courage are having such undying faith in you, yourself, and your capability, that you pursue it unashamedly. Strength and courage are in daring to be yourself when everybody is telling you you'll never make it in the world by being yourself.

There's this great Bollywood movie, Tamasha. It's one of my absolute favourite movies (Bollywood junkie here) because it resonates on such a deep level with me. What a great narration of the kind of world we live in today; how many dreams are left unfulfilled, for the sake of responsibilities, for the sake of fulfilling others' dreams and wishes?

How many people are reminded of their uniqueness, their specialty, on a daily basis? And how many people, in comparison, are instead reminded about their failures, things they've done wrong, things they've not achieved?

We're not all the same, we never were; then why are we so vehemently drilled to be average, to be just like everybody else? Why is it just so goddamn important to fit in? Why can't we just be?

If you're doing something you absolutely love and enjoy today, be proud of yourself. If you love your job, you work, that you're doing today, then be proud of yourself. In a world where everybody is somebody else, if you have the courage to be unashamedly yourself, then be proud of yourself.

Everybody is unique, yes, and everybody has their own qualities, but not everybody has the strength and courage to embrace their uniqueness and to show the world who they really are.

Of course, everybody has responsibilities, duties, and I'm not saying we should ignore them; not at all. I understand a certain amount of luck is also involved in the ease of being yourself; but my point is, even if you're short on this luck, even if you're swamped with responsibilities and duties, even then, you shouldn't lose sight of who you really are, who you really want to be.

There's no other person exactly like you, right? Then why should you give up, forget, and lose sight of who you really are?

Doesn't hurt to try, right?