Stronger Than You Think

Can I just say, I'm on a freaking roll here; posting almost every day, back to back. The inspiration is definitely going strong this week, thankfully. Being inspired by something or someone every day is actually pretty cool. I love days like these, where something happens around me that inspires me to write about it. I don't feel pressured to think about something to write; it comes naturally from being inspired.

It's not always only the situation that's inspiring, though. It's the people around me, the people I get to talk to; the people & their stories. It is just so, so fascinating, & I absolutely love it. All this daily writing makes me feel like an actual, professional blogger, & makes me feel way cooler than I actually am! I definitely love it, not going to lie.

Anyway, enough yammering on about myself. On to the actual point of this post, which, obviously, has to do with being strong & strength. Also obviously, it's not physical strength that I'm talking about, though that's also pretty cool, to have physical strength. You're "strong" in the actual sense of the word if you have physical strength. That seems pretty awesome to me. Imagine never having to depend on anybody else to open jars & bottles for you. I mean, how amazing would that be?! Truly independent, eh? Okay, no, seriously. I'm going to stop digressing, & get on with it.

So today, I was minding my own business in the library, working on my laptop, when this person from one of my classes came over to my table & started a conversation. Now this person, I haven't always gotten along with, simply because we seem to be two very different people, with different opinions about things. I've rarely ever agreed with what she had to say during our class, & she's not agreed with me on my opinions.

So obviously, I'm not as fond of her as the people that I've actually become somewhat friends with, & I'm not particularly eager to be friends with her. I'm civil, yes, but that's about it, & she's been the same, though occasionally she has made some remarks towards me that I wasn't very happy about, but you know, whatever. No point breaking my head over someone I only ever had to see twice a week, so it was okay.

So anyway, she came over, & we started talking. I asked her about not having seen her in class, the previous day, when we had a midterm, & offered a more elaborate explanation of why I could've not seen her in the class, though I totally did not need to give that unnecessary explanation, but anyway. So I ask her this, & that's when she told me she's dropped the course. Not going to lie here, I was actually shocked. As mentioned before, I cannot keep my emotions in check, so I expressed this shock quite obviously. I literally said, "WHAT?WHYY?!?!". Poor girl. I don't think she expected I would care so much, & to be honest, even I was surprised. I suppose I don't really dislike her as much as I thought I did.

She continued to tell me about how her friends had told her that nobody ever gets an 'A' in this particular course, & I opened my mouth to argue when she said, "No, no. My friend, she's super smart, & even she didn't get an A." This wasn't enough to make me shut up, so I proceeded to argue. I obviously disagreed with her, obviously, & I told her exactly that. I told her about how that wasn't true because I'd just given the midterm the day before, & it hadn't been difficult at all.

I told her that the smartness of a person means nothing & holds no weight if that person doesn't actually study before an exam. I went on to say that I thought she was smart enough to actually have been okay through the course, & that I thought she'd made a mistake by dropping the course. I wasn't just saying these things either. I genuinely meant them, because it doesn't matter if I like her or not. Her intelligence does not depend on my decision of liking her or not. It doesn't matter. She genuinely is quite smart, & I told her just that.

However, it was what she said after that broke my heart. She said, "Yes, but I doubt myself."

As soon as she said that, I saw myself, exactly in her place; I understood just what she meant because I've been in that same position countless times. How many times have I doubted myself? How many times have I not had faith in myself? How many times I've given up, partially or fully? I knew exactly what she meant because I've been there.

I know what that feels like, & I know what that feeling can make you do. I immediately told her, yes, I do too, I doubt myself too, believe me, I do. But that doesn't mean you give up or drop a course in this situation. Everybody is different. She said she'd heard that the other course by the same teacher was easier to gain an A in, & that nobody could do that in this course. I told her I'd heard the exact opposite. People have told me that the other course's exams are harder than this one. She asked that we stop talking about it, because it was making her feel bad, so we did. She left soon after that. I wished her luck, & she did the same for me.

And that is the main point of this post. The fact that we, as human beings, doubt ourselves so much, is just so sad to think about. That means there's so much potential that is actually lost, simply because people don't believe in themselves, or doubt themselves. So many people have backed out of doing something, just because their doubt in their abilities is far stronger than their belief, their faith, in themselves. I talk about people; I myself have done this same thing, multiple times in my life; I've given up on things, simply because I wasn't strong enough to fight what my brain was forcing upon me, even though it wasn't true.

Too often, we forget that though we are all different, none of us is actually unintelligent. There are different forms of intelligence. Not everybody has the same kind, nor the same amount. However, this does not make anyone unintelligent. We all have the capacity to go on, for the longest amount of time, regardless of the severity of the situation. We can go on for however long we decide to. As long as we ignore the constant lies of our brain, we can keep going. But once we let doubt creep in, it's all downhill from there.

I don't understand how students, people, can ever drop or leave courses. Though I suppose for the current course in question, I would never leave it anyway, because I absolutely LOVE it. I love the course, & I want to keep studying it for forever & ever & ever. Still, I don't understand how you can commit to something, & then leave it, for whatever reason. I've never been able to do that. I can't. I can't live with the thought of what ifs & maybes that I know would follow if I ever gave up & gave in.

What if I could've actually done it? What if I could've learnt how to control it, how to handle it? Maybe it wouldn't have been as hard & complicated as I thought it was going to be. Maybe I actually would've fallen in love with it, no matter the complexity. All those what ifs & maybes would drive me crazy. So I just stick it out, no matter how difficult it is, no matter how boring, no matter how much I actually hate it. I just can not do it. Maybe this makes me some kind of a weirdo, or maybe it makes me stronger than I actually thought I was. I don't really know.

What I do know, is that I'm not alone when I doubt myself, when I don't believe in my abilities. That should be comforting, but it isn't. It's actually quite sad, because no matter what, I would not wish this self-doubt, this self-confidence issues as me, on anyone. Not even my worst enemy. Because I know how it can eat away at you, & how it can affect you over the years, & how severely. It genuinely broke my heart to hear the same words that I've said before, come out of the mouth of someone else. NOBODY should ever have to say something like that.

Make yourself strong. Believe in yourself, have faith in yourself. MAKE yourself be brave. As the saying goes, fake it till you make it. So keep faking it, keep pushing yourself, keep pushing against the vicious enemy that is your brain, & I guarantee you, one day, you will no longer have to pretend or to fake it. You genuinely will be confident & strong, & you will have enough faith in yourself to get whatever you put your mind to, done. One of my most favourite quotes is, "You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it". You can do it. You can do whatever you want to, once you put your mind to it. You can get through anything once you believe in yourself & in your abilities. It is important to believe in both those things because they are parallel to each other. You will be the best version of yourself if you have both those things.

Go on. You can do it. I believe in you, & you should believe in yourself too. You are stronger than you think.

Let go of the negativity. <3

You can do this. Always.