Back Again

Hello, lovelies!

^Should this be a regular thing? Hmm. Let's see how it goes.

So, where I left off; miraculously, I remember exactly what I want to continue talking about. I guess it is kind of important to me to talk about this in depth and to elaborate on what I really mean. Maybe someone other than me will know exactly what I'm talking about, what I mean; maybe I'm not alone in feeling or thinking like this.

To give a quick recap, I spoke about how people might not be what we've perceived them to be, or to be more accurate, people might not be exactly how we've trained our brains to think of them. Does that make sense? I really hope it does; I know exactly what I'm talking about and what I mean, and I hope whoever reads this understands and gets it too. I hope I'm not the only one.

I have this friend, let's call her Jane for the sake of this post and her privacy; so this friend, I've known for quite some time now. She was once my "best friend", (what even are those? who came up with this concept?) and I always vouched for this person without a doubt.

I thought we'd be like those forever-type friends that you see in films and tv shows (do that kind of friendships ever exist in real life?); I've sadly, and quite pathetically, always wanted a friendship like that. And also equally as pathetically, I hope every friendship that I forge is going to be the forever kind. Sadly, it never is.

Anyway, point is, after vouching for a very long time for this person, I only very recently realized how much I'd been deluding myself into thinking this person was the best friend there ever was; I thought Jane thought of me just as I did her, that I meant equally as much to her as she did to me. Guess who had a rude awakening? I'll give you a minute to guess.

This person used to backbite about her other friends to me, and in those moments, I did feel a bit weird, but I brushed it off, as I once again deluded myself into thinking that she was just doing so because I was her closest confidante; now, as I see Jane interacting with her friends in a way that is identical to the way she interacts with me, I am forced to wonder if she does the same backbiting about me to them as she did about them to me.

The truth is, it's not about just one friend or just one instance. These things are spread out over all the people in our lives. The same way I realized the truth about Jane and her friendship with me, I realized how eerily similar all our relations are with other people. I've started to see the selfish ways of my family, my friends, my acquaintances; I now see through their sentences, their little actions.

I am forced to wake my brain up from the fog that is delusion and lies, and I now wonder whether it is the people in my life who are at fault for this fog, or if it has been my own self all along, who has willingly turned a blind eye (this is highly offensive and ignorant to my own self- I suffer from ONH; Google it).  Are they cheating me, or have I been cheating myself all along?

Do I do it because I don't want to think bad of them, because we are taught that since we are born, to look at the beauty and the good in people? Or do they, all because they are also taught the same lies as me? Is it time to stop lying to babies, and instead make them strong enough to face the realities of the world?

This post is officially the most mind-boggling post I've ever written. I don't really know whether I've truly come to the conclusion of not only this post, but also to the conclusion of my general thoughts and realization about this topic. I guess it is an on-going process, one that we all go through, regardless of whether we realize it or not; the selfishness and the lies never really end.

This post has also been a huge downer- that really wasn't my intention. I'd just like to know if somebody else also relates to this, and that I'm not the only one who thinks and feels this way. Please do let me know if you ever read this and relate to this; I really would love to know more of your thoughts about this whole mind-numbing matter.

I don't usually do this, but due to the nature and turn of this post, I feel like I need to; so, here is a hug and a kiss, because we are all better with a little more love in the big bad world.

XO

Moral of the story.